Chetan Bhagat is indeed the Rakhi Sawant of Indian literature

What is the difference between a leech and Chetan Bhagat? Nothing much just that Chetan sucks more!
Does that bring a lot of flak from the Chetan Bhagat followers? You are welcome because I still fail to understand when folks relate his or her name to their knowledge in reading.
“I love reading”, they say and by the time you are on the verge of getting impressed they tend to touch with, “and my favorite author is Chetan Bhagat.” It certainly makes me wonder as to what category of “Moron” they belong to. Ultimately taking away any regard I might have had for them. As for CB (that’s initials of Chetan Bhagat) to be your beloved, he also has to be yours only.
What do these readers who go gaga about CB love about him? His terrible writing? His poor thoughts or his unimaginative story? Or perhaps his usage of Hinglish along with some F-words and C-words. Well, that’s what we get to hear and see in the contemporary Bollywood flicks too, don’t we? Then why waste time reading from the guy who is busy humiliating our sacred lady literature by his writings? Well, if you are really keen in reading a piece of literature from Indian authors then there is Amitav Ghosh, Arvind Adiga, Arundhatti Roy and of course the legendary Jhumpa Lahiri and Salman Rushidie (I bet you’ll love them all, their books are short too and yes, very interesting)!
Coming back to Chetan Bhagat, the uncrowned king of Bubblegum Literature (the one that is read and forgotten just like bubble gum where you chew and then spit) aka Blabbermouth of the lesser known, is what I call a “potty writer”,  You read it while doing a potty, finish it by the time your potty is over and then use it as a tissue paper to wipe! Pure junk like KFC’s and McDonald’s and valued also in the similar range! If somebody is ready to sign my younger cousin who is in 8th grade, do let me know, she can also write the same.
Now I am no expert on Chetan, but his echelon of writing deteriorated after every book. I did read his ‘Five Point Someone’ and yes it was a good time pass on my train journey. Next, I also read ‘One Night @Call Center’ (blame the book review I was supposed to write) followed by his third and my last, ‘The Three Mistakes of My Life’. No wonder picking up the book was perhaps the ultimate mistake of my life and I still regret at having crossed the path by that disastrous book.
I mean all I read was rambling jabber without the least possible bit of style, point or humor. If I have to compare the actions to reading that book, well, I would say it was like eating boiled pumpkin and licking the palm of your feet. Insane? Precisely! Mainly, the book was an assemblage of mundane tale. And I am sure there are many like me who felt the same, right? But why does it bother me?
For the reason that reading a terrible book is something which you can never undo. It takes away a piece of you, not to reveal a good quantity of time spent reading it (thanks to Chetan’s superfluous sentence formation, impeccable grammar, chronic thoughts, home-bred idioms and artless lingo). That is not to declare how sadistic I am and if I could only spare myself from the freedom of citing from authentic literature, “I am here to secrete Chetan, not to admire him.”
Certainly the book (if that’s what you may call) was a bestseller. This is the Incredible India we are talking about, where Poonam Pandey and Rakhi Sawant are a celebrity (oh Jeej!).  Now this guy himself admits that he does not intend to write literature; I think he surely succeeds (chuckles)  His way of writing is “effortless, obvious and linear” in other words his writings are as juicy as food processor manuals.

For the reason that reading a terrible book is something which you can never undo. It takes away a piece of you, not to reveal a good quantity of time spent reading it (thanks to Chetan’s superfluous sentence formation, impeccable grammar, chronic thoughts, home-bred idioms and artless lingo).

He even went on blabbering this on Twitter, “Good grammar doesn’t make you a good writer. A good heart does. Else English teachers would be writing bestsellers.” Did this irritating tweet made your  teeth itch just like mine did? Well Mr. Bhagat let me widen your knowledge that conspiracy theorist Dan Brown was an English teacher and has undeniably sold more books than YOU! Grr…
The so called writer has altered the game in Indian publishing by selling millions and generating a group of young writers who write about the intolerably enthralling subjects of romance, campus, friendship and love triangles. Bhagat has not only brought down the value of books but also the standards of writing in English!
After Bhagat’s success in the literary bandwagon, you don’t need to be an  expert to write a book. All you need is a love story, a campus plot, a petite sex scene along with the C-word and F-word then stir it up with a vibrant book cover and sell it at 100 rupees. Done! Now you know why Satan Bhagat tagged him as Rakhi Sawant of Indian Literature arena. However, it is very disheartening to know that people are reading it and are not going beyond “Bhagatitude”.
Besides, his books, have you ever had a look at some of his articles on Times of India. In one article, apparently to assist women deal with stress, he writes:
“Can you imagine life without the ladies?”
“There would be body odor, socks on the floor and nothing in the fridge to eat. The entertainment industry would die. Who wants to watch movies without actresses? Kids would be neglected and turn into drug addicts or psychopaths by age 10. Soon, all-male world leaders would lose their tempers at the slightest provocation, and bomb the guts out of each other’s countries. ”
Really Dude? I am so shocked to know that Times Of India accepts that kind of thrash and then this guy ends the article with his notable line “Now smile, before your mother-in-law shouts at you for wasting your time reading the newspaper.”
Now that adultery in the literature bandwagon wasn’t enough, CB, just like an itch in your briefs during an office meeting is always in the news, the media, the internet. Whether over his latest book, what was the name? Err…Ok forget it (reviews claim it as sheer mediocre. As expected) or his comments on Salman Rushdie, “We shouldn’t make controversial authors into heroes.”
Well CB, allow me to choose my hero and by the way, I would rather have a controversial author as my hero than a mediocre one!
(img source: indiatoday.intoday.in)