NULL and VOID

As they say life is a journey, and we need to find happiness in it ......But somehow there's no happiness in what ever I do these days and a unknown pattern of life going on in my life with no specified event to happen, no vision, no goal and just a selfish desire of staying alive and happy but again not assorted. Life seems to be missing some were in the winds with no connecting threads which would help me connect with people, the humor, the passion to be seen in one's life, the fire, the zeal.....

What I have is just the Anger, arrogance, with no soul to calm me down and get me peace within....and if the soul arrives, peace does comes, but comes with some conditions.....A directionless life with no strings attached, no belief in what I do , just there is a thought  "What ever happens, happens for good". And I think sometime the biggest problem with me is that I can not live with some conditions or boundations !!

When we were kids we were told life is about doing the right things, studying, getting a job and be a man/woman of dignity.....and as we grow up the things does not seems the same, it seems as if no one's bothered except the  person you were born to & the rest is just imagination

Happiness and peace are two  eternal and the most precious things in life, if it comes never let it go...
A page with no proper meaning, that's how my life's is revolving now with no event of anything. It is all "NULL and VOID"

Getting the other half...

Everything changes.
Everyone changes and I am no exception to this. From a very submissive personality to a leader, now I have changed to a very dominant personality.
I realized it a few days back when I observed that I am no more able to control my anger.
I have become more rigid and adamant. If I feel something is wrong than I don't listen to others.
I shout, knowing that it's not required, still I don't stop myself.
The consequences are that I am hurting people around me.
I am pushing away people who really matter.
I used to think it is all because of certain incidents in my life and thing will go right with time but no,
it had changed my nature very rudely and badly.

I always say that "When you know you are wrong, you are half right."
Seems to me that I have been satisfying myself by being just half right.
Lately I realized that the other half is equally important.
Now I can't go back and apologize to everyone, but if you read this and you feel that i have been this rude to you sometime, than I want you to know that I have realized where I was wrong and I will work on this attitude of mine.
A very special person said to me.

A Leader is always loved but a dictator is never.

Mummy and Sweaters

My mummy is fond of making sweaters and she make it very very well. I remember the varieties of sweater she made for me all through my childhood winters. Different designs , colors and patterns. Many of her sweaters were better than the ready made one. She always used to invent some new design and patterns which used to be much popular among other aunts, neighbours and they used to take reference from her and take away the sample designed sweaters for reference. And she had hell lot of varieties of knitting needles.

 

                                                                      There  are many events and memory attached with most of them.Memories like what I did with whom when I was wearing some particular sweater. And the weather in winter in north always feels like out of the world thing with foggy and misted air that makes a scary, romantic and adventurous scene in single shot. And people in such situation get recognized by sweaters. If somebody is coming towards you in such situation it is the fluffy sweaters first which get recognized than the face. And these are some such things that I am missing since last 4 years being in Mumbai having almost no winters.

Coming back to Mummy again. Instead of saying  "no" multiple times to her , she use to make one for whomsoever she feel like. It was a kind of time pass to her. Even she used to involve me in many of her sweater weaving process. Most of the times for making ball out of the Wool skein or unweaving of old sweater which I enjoyed the most as it was kind of game for me in my childhood (sometimes used to compete with my brother's ) which I used to enjoy while watching any matinee show. And these activities from mummy's side made me break away from studies without any scolding and enjoy watching TV or something along with it. I remember it was usually winter holidays after lunch time , sort of siesta , when some of the matinee show on TV along with groundnuts or some peanut stuff.

But gone are the old days. Now nobody is near Mummy. Everybody is busy in their own life and mummy too got bored of making it time again for Papa. So she had kind of left making all these sweaters and her favourite time pass since last 4 or 5 years. And now there is no one to appreciate her or encourage her for making sweaters. Even my brothers and relatives who are facing winters are preferring the ready made one and mummy too got older  by now to take initiative for someone. Even for herself. (She used to make beautiful scarf and cardigan for herself even.) Also along with growing tentions in life she cant give much time to it and nobody cares even. And I am sure she must be feeling bad and sad for this.

 But recently a call from my 6 year old nephew to my mummy just increased her smile quotient a lot. He requested his Dadima to make a sweater for him every year without even asking him. And this innocent request made my Mummy smile a lot and lot of other ways to stress away her tentions in her own way!!